This is a game that happened. And today, it happened for me.
Well, it’s not great. It’s not super fun. And honestly, I have no earthly idea what the point of it is, what your purpose is.
Can I say, how come all this Santa stuff, all the movies or video games or whatever, they’re all predicated on the idea that stuff gets screwed up for Santa? And so he has to go to some extreme measures, or Tim Allen does, or the heart of one small child is pitted against the disbelief of a town of total assholes? Isn’t the mere fact of what Santa is supposed to do, deliver shit to EVERY dwelling on Earth, isn’t that enough? Isn’t that harrowing enough without someone kidnapping Rudolph or stabbing Frosty or whatever?
Anyway, in this game, it seems the goal is to collect presents. And sometimes to free elves(?) And reindeer(?)
It’s your basic platformer. Santa shoots weird blue magic out of his hand, unless you pick up what appears to be a car battery, after which he shoots flames. Oh, and also, if you touch what appears to be a cup of coffee, Santa turns into a demon and gains the ability to clobber people with his sack of toys. It’s almost like a Gremlins thing. Don’t give Santa caffeine or he’ll literally become the devil. In fact, Santa is in demon form in the game’s opening menu, lording over the 1 or 2 player option.
It’s a lot like…have you ever played a game that feels like maybe it was supposed to be something else? And then they just sort of turned it into a thing. For example, in this game, the first boss fight is against a man made out of a bunch of bricks. I think. What the hell does that have to do with Santa? The snowman boss, okay, fine. At least that’s in the winter realm. But a man made of bricks who throws his own body at you? Craziness.
Or why is it, after you beat the snowman boss, there’s one present behind him, which you open to reveal an extra hat, which is the equivalent of an extra hit point? You just beat the boss. There’s nothing else that can harm you at this point. And yet, here’s an extra hit point. Why the fuck not?
The real problem comes in the flood level, where a rising tide of water keeps you moving, but the 3/4 perspective on moving platforms makes it impossible to stick the landing, ever. Am I shooting for the back end of a platform or the front? Who the hell knows? Oh, and the Biblical reference in the level title, that’s weird too. Although that, to me, would be a great game. Santa has to beat up Biblical figures? Now we have a goddamn game.
The best part of the game? Well, the little screen that comes up between stages looks like an advent calendar. That’s cute. I like that idea.
And then we’ve pretty much reached the end.
Do I hate the game? Not really. But if it wasn’t Santa, it would have no appeal. It’d just be some lousy game. The Santa factor is the only thing that sets it apart from just about any other game.
Well, that and the whole Santa/Demon thing. That’s not to be ignored either.