And the winner is…
Dumb Bitch at the Hospital Whose Sole Occupation Appears to Be Standing Outside the Front Doors and Yelling at People to Go Around in Just About the Shrillest Voice You Can Imagine.
You piece of shit. First off, I understand that you’re frustrated. I would be too. Why would a facility be built where the main entrance is only the main entrance until certain times, at which point the main entrance is not only no longer the main entrance, but is not an entrance of any sort? I get it that you’re caught up in a syststem here, trapped in a world you never made to borrow a tagline from a great shitty comic.
But still, I have a couple suggestions for how you might do this terrible job better.
First, how about you just approach people as they get to the door and say something like, “The front doors are closed, but if you head right around this way to the emergency entrance they will be able to get you in there.” You could continue screaming nonsensical versions of “This bitch be closed!” all day, but it’s really not all that helpful. Plus, there’s really no need to use a tone that is like a cross between Roseanne yelling at DJ for burning down a black person’s home and the mom from Sister, Sister. You could just use a person voice.
Second, how about you point us in the right goddamn direction to the emergency room. To illustrate, here is what happened:
-We left in the direction you first pointed.
-You informed (screamed in a way that turned the shit forming inside me into instant diarrhea) us that there was no walkway.
-We drove the way you pointed.
-We had to turn around when this led nowhere.
-We exited the parking lot.
-That being a mistake, we spun around in the roundabout.
-We followed a sign to the emergency room.
-We chose between two contradictory signs and ended up, finally, at the door.
Now, you could have simply pointed us the right way and actually helped. Thank christ there wasn’t an actual emergency, by the way. By the time we got there I could have bled out from a stapler wound.