“Wonder Woman: Dead Earth”

“Extra star because the art is cool.

Wonder Woman was having a moment, but I think, unfortunately, it’s already over. Probably because Wonder Woman 1984(?) was kind of a mess and a snooze at the same time. A superhero movie can be a mess just so long as it’s not boring. This is Pete’s Unified Theory of Batman Returns.

I loved Mad Max: Fury Road, and here’s the lesson too few people took away from that post-apocalyptic story: Our POV character doesn’t have to be the center for all the motivation and action, including the backstory of how the apocalypse was set off. The story just happens to occur when Max shows up at the Citadel, and he gets involved in a bid for survival. The action doesn’t center around him, in fact it has almost nothing to do with him. However, as the story moves, Max moves closer to the center. This gives us entrance into this weird world as seen by Max, who thinks it’s somewhat unusual and somewhat not, which makes him a good bridge. It also gives him a reason to do what he does. When the team eventually doubles-back, it’s a choice he makes, perhaps to be of service, but perhaps because he thinks it’s his best shot. It feels very organic and manic, and it keeps the story moving. But we don’t need Immortan Joe to be Max’s father or one of the wives to be Max’s daughter or any of that nonsense. He can just be a player in a story.

They also do not solve the apocalypse in Fury Road. That’s the second lesson. Don’t worry about fixing the Earth. The characters in that story end up a good deal better off than they were before, evil is spanked hard, and we’re all set.

Wonder Woman starts this story off emerging from a tank of some kind, and then she plays World’s Worst Detective to try and figure out how the apocalypse happened. Which, after a bit, I was thinking, “Waitaminute, who cares how it happened? It’s not like you can fix it if you figured out the motives behind what happened.”

Of course, we find out that she plays a pivotal role, everything sort of swirls around her. Which, is fine, but I think it’s to the book’s detriment. Because Wonder Woman is boring. I think this story would be WAY more interesting told from the perspective of one of the survivors. Maybe the leader guy who has a change of heart. If we could see how he changes, what about Wonder Woman changes him, I think that’d be a far more interesting story and a different take on Wonder Woman. I think it’d be more interesting centered on Wonder Woman’s mother. I think it’d be more interesting centered on anyone else, really. Give us a Fury Road, Wonder Woman is our Furiosa, and we’ve got a stronger story.

Here’s what I think doesn’t work about Wonder Woman for me. I think I’ve got this figured out.

What works about Superman is that he’s incredibly powerful, but he still saves individual, unimportant people. If Superman tangled with Gorilla Grodd on your farm and tore it up, he’d put everything back together before he left. If he was your boss at a high-profile financial firm, he’d drive a Prius, insist you take the day off on your anniversary (which he would remember), and when you went into his office, you’d see he still had a picture your daughter drew of him 7 years ago on Take Your Child to Work Day. You know how Michael Scott is a wonderful, tragic character because he’s a buffoon who just wants to be accepted and loved? Superman is like that, just, you know, less pathetic. You don’t feel bad for him because he wants to feel loved. You feel honored because Superman considers the acceptance of someone like you to be a valuable thing. Superman would show up for Pam’s art show, even if he had to leave after 5 minutes because Brainiac was melting the International Space Station with a weird ray of some kind.

Wonder Woman is also motivated by love, but I never get the feeling that she’s really seeking the love and acceptance of humanity. It feels like a different kind of love. It’s a little patronizing. “Oh, these poor misguided apes with their great capacity for love and great capacity for violence…” It always feels like she considers her love as being of great value, but the love of others towards her doesn’t seem like a factor. In some ways it’s a strength because she can love a character who does not love her back, even a character who hates her. But I think it’s what makes me disconnected from her. I don’t really know what she wants, you know? She wants humans, but less violent? And she tries to help them along by doing their violence for them and being really good at it? She wants to show us that love is the answer, and sometimes love looks like smashing weird monsters with Superman’s spine?

I guess I feel like I understand Superman, I understand Michael Scott, and I don’t really understand Wonder Woman. She does what she does because she just feels this intense, I guess godly, sense of what’s right. Which isn’t a horrible thing, but it’s not something I connect with, and I don’t think it’s something they exploit in the comics all that often. It’s probably the most successful thing in the Wonder Woman movie, right? The sort of fish-out-of-water stuff? God walking among men?

Maybe it’s like this: Superman is appealing because he’s a god trying to be a man. Batman is appealing because he’s a man trying to be a god. Wonder Woman is less appealing because she’s a god continuing to be a god.

Damn, that was a lot shorter. Wish I’d thought of that earlier. “