“Starts super awesome, a very funny woman looking back at her teenage diaries, stuff like professing undying love for JJ as a teenager, and the adult version of the same person reacts with: Who the fuck is JJ?
But somewhere around the adolescence parts of the book, I lost a little interest.
Maybe adolescence is defined by the person experiencing it thinking they’re so unique and different, and then realizing later that they definitely were not unique and different. Because how unique can you be when you’re 14? You’ve barely done anything. My junior prom was themed as Under the Sea. Like Back to the Future. Except I don’t think that was on purpose? It could’ve been, I really didn’t have much involvement in planning my prom. By “not much” I mean “absolutely no,” although I did show up the following morning to help clean up the prom because I was THAT into this girl who was doing the clean-up. If you asked me now, as an adult, how into a woman I’d have to be to hang out with her the entire previous night, til like 2 am, then show up to a high school to clean up a huge fucking mess of crepe paper at 8 am…I don’t know that this woman exists. If someone was like, “It’s the most beautiful woman of all time. It’s early 2000’s Heidi Klum from the poster you had on your bedroom wall!” I’d probably be like…”No offense to Heidi, but….”
It does seem like a weird theme for rural Colorado, nowhere near the ocean…Do kids in Los Angeles have a ranch theme to their proms? Harvest theme? Grandeur of the Rocky Mountains?
You know what else was weird about that prom? The whole gym stank like a weird rubbery smell because they laid out this huge mat over the gym floor, I guess so our shoes wouldn’t fuck up the basketball court, which is the site of any reputable prom.
How has no one done a basketball theme for prom? It’s right fucking there. You wouldn’t have to do anything. Everyone could show up in basketball uniforms, which are comfy as hell and still allow for a scandalous amount of skin if you’re that girl and you go with a 70’s retro basketball thing.
Other themes that would be cool:
+50 Years From Now: Everyone shows up looking like old people. This would probably be a little offensive to the olds, but what the hell are they doing at a prom? This theme does double-duty because anyone who’s offended, keep an eye on ’em.
+Middle School Dance: All girls on one side, all boys on the other. Very awkward. Everyone gets a suit 2 sizes too big.
Oh, by the way, tuxedo shops? Fuck you. Tux rentals charge you out the ass for some shit that doesn’t even fit right, then they demand you return the thing by like 10 am the next day, which you KNOW is just so they can charge you extra because half of the people haven’t event gone to bed at that point. What the hell do they need a bunch of high schooler size tuxes for first thing on a Sunday? I’m sure they get RIGHT to work cleaning them and prepping them for a wedding that’s just barely legally recognized based on the ages of the participants happening that same day.
I have some advice for parents: Take your kid to Men’s Warehouse, buy them the cheapest suit that fits, and send them to prom in it. Then you can sell that shit later. It’s almost the same cost, it’s not covered in anyone else’s pre cum, and it’s probably never been barfed in, on, or around. Thank god the theme of prom isn’t black light, because the dance floor would be blinding at crotch level. “