Did you get a stimulation check? Me too! Why? Who gives a fuck! Don’t ask why a $20 is laying on the sidewalk. Is that what’s interesting about $20, why it’s there? Hell no! Scoop it up, push a kid out of the way if you have to, and spend.
But hold up. Not all spends are created equal. You probably don’t have taste. You’re probably not used to having over one thousand of dollars to throw around.
And yes, this news information article is intended for people who don’t actually need the money because you’re still working aka replying all to every email so people know you’ve done an email and therefore a work for today.
1. The Smart and Therefore Stupidest Option
One option would be to save this money. This would be smart because perhaps next time you won’t be so lucky, and you’ll be really glad you’ve got some cash. Just sock it away and pretend like you never got it, carrying on as normal.
This is a very unsexy, sad option. Sexy isn’t about planning ahead. You don’t plan 3 thrusts in the future. It’s moment by moment, inch by inch. Half-inch by half-inch in my case, but that’s why my wilted, undersized crank is so sexy: even less time to plan!
2. Crush A Local Business
Lots of people will tell you it’s good to support a local business, but an alternative is to crush a local business that you think sucks. Say, for example, a shitty bar. How exactly you can do this with $1,200 is a good question, but some options include supporting a rival business, supporting a local screenprinter and getting shirts printed that say a business sucks. Maybe you can pay a performer to perform at a rival bar when this is all over. $1,200 would buy you a pretty good number of bad Yelp reviews. Shaping the local economy is important, and sometimes forming something is all about editing it down.
3. Pay Someone To Care That Your Kids Are Driving You Nuts
Because we know you’re stuck at home with them, but lol, nobody cares!
4. Buy A Home Gym
Having a home gym and then selling it almost unused on Craigslist 3 years later is a rite of passage. Might as well get started.
5. Buy Customized Hand Sanitizers Online
What better way to promote your business or hell, just yourself, than customized hand sanitizer? People will thank you every time they don’t fucking die to buy groceries. Plus, buying custom versions gets you around that whole “hoarding/gouging” accusation. They’re not hoarded, they’re business giveaways! You have to buy ’em in bulk!