First things first, always remember that you are a pizza man. You’re not required to do anything you don’t want to do here. It’s hard to say when pizza man became synonymous with sex man, but it happened.
The intention of this is to try and help you avoid these situations. It seems you can’t turn around without bumping into a pizza man who has been coaxed into sex by an older woman wearing an absolutely ridiculous robe. It’s time for the victimization of pizza men to stop.
Lesson: Prevention is key
The best way to get out of these situations is to not get in them in the first place. When making a delivery, make sure to check the name of the recipient and the type of pizza. A green pepper pizza for a Mrs. Jones is probably fine. A sausage pizza for Avril Ravine should be a red flag.
Lesson: Do not enter the house
No part of the pizza transaction should require you to enter the house. You’re not buddies with this person. Even if you know this lady’s son, that doesn’t mean you have any reason to be inside her house. Pizza, money, done.
Lesson: See how the door is answered
Is the person wearing clothing? Normal-ish sweats? Or is she wearing a robe that is mostly see-thru? A robe that is basically worthless in terms of putting it on before talking to a pizza man? Also, does it appear that she is wearing bedclothes, yet has done an awful lot to make up her face and hair, oftentimes in very unappealing ways?
Lesson: No, there’s no way around this
Money for pizza. That’s the deal. No, sexual favors are not exchangable currency. An adult woman should know better than to order a pizza without having money available. If she doesn’t have cash, you can always call the store and have them run a card number. Which sounds like a pain, but is really a lot less effort than having sex with someone.
Lesson: There’s a time and a place
That place is Craigslist. Yes, in 1978 you didn’t have a lot of options as far as tricking men into coming to your house. Now, however, those options are readily available. There were certainly times in the past when things were done differently. You could smoke on an airplane, smack a child across the face for knocking over a glass, and maybe try ordering pizza after pizza until a decent pizza man showed up who might be up for getting sexy in whatever way that was done back in those days. But it’s 2012, and it’s time to get with the program.
Remember, stay safe out there!