In the last month or so we’ve learned a lot of weird shit about Hitler that makes me ask, “Why are we investigating Hitler’s penis at this point?”
But if we haven’t given up beating that dead micropenis, I guess it’ll continue. So here are my suggestions for future columns:
Hitler’s Penis Tasted Terrible, Science Says
Hitler’s Penis Attached To Hitler And That’s All You Need To Know, Says Person Who Makes Valid Point
Hitler’s Penis: Could It Have Been Hollowed Out To Make A Flute? “Uh…I Guess” Says Expert.
Hitler’s Penis Recreated From Cast To Make Controversial Artists’ “Swasdicka.”
Hitler’s Penis And The Revised Debate Of Size Of Boat v. Motion Of Ocean.
Hitler’s Balls Probably Also Crazy Looking.
Hitler’s Penis Rumored To Be Last Gem In Marvel Cinematic Universe’s Infinity Gauntlet.