“Here’s my Buzzfeed-style review, Home Decorations That Prove You Have Too Much Money
+Giant, framed art that’s on the floor, leaning against the wall. This is a thing, I guess. Want to be a decorating rebel? Just lean that shit against the wall. C’mon, don’t be a dick. That’s terrible. That’s basically the easiest way to say “I do not vacuum/mop/sweep my own house.”
+Outdoor, concrete garden statues, note the plural, inside, on the floor. If you don’t want that room, you can just board it up, you know. Tell people it’s haunted. Now THAT’S fun.
+Stacks of books all over the floor, sometimes with art perched on top, sometimes a vase.
This is one of those rich man/poor man things. Your artfully arranged, on-the-floor book stacks do nothing for me, sir. I would go so far as to say I hate them.
+Lamps that rich people own. Seriously, these table lamps look like infectious disease cells as viewed under a microscope. How is it that rich people have the worst lamps? They could get any, cool lamp they wanted, and the crap they get, my god, it’s like a ceramic thing someone made, and while they were throwing it on the wheel, they vomited all over it and just kept on a spinnin’.
+Crazy fucking chairs. These are very generously called chairs because no one is sitting on that fucking thing. A metal, wire frame chair? That’s like something they would have in a movie inside of a futuristic prison. Here’s a hint: If you’re buying a chair from a store, and if that chair is the only one of its kind, I probably hate that chair.
+Trilobites. That’s a bug, sir. If you want to decorate with bugs, come by my place, see how it works for real.
+A giant mirror, leaned up against THE WINDOW, at like a 45-degree angle. Just, why?
+Giant, weird, fake animal furs on the floor. This is like a universal rich person decoration. A giant, fake cowhide, or a giant, fake polar bear fur or something. They love that shit. I don’t know why.
+Giant, old-timey maps. If it’s got a sea monster where Hawaii should be, and if it’s sold at a pricey map store in a downtown storefront, then it’s a must-have for richards.
+A tree stump. Yeah, you can try and perch a newspaper on that sucker. We know how it really functions. We know it’s a matter of hauling something up a flight of stairs and then just slowly building up the guts to toss it off the balcony. You’ll get there. “