Those who know me well know that one of my favorite past times is looking on Tripadvisor and reading reviews of hotels. I don’t know why this is so entertaining, and it’s hard to explain to others. However, in an attempt to make everyone understand, let’s look at a few excerpts together.
Ramada Denver Midtown:
They have the word “HOTEL” really big on top. What they don’t show is that the majority of the rooms are MOTEL style and not hotel. We were in the way back in a building on a slope. Second floor with no elevator and many steps. No offer to help with luggage. No offer to help with anything, really. It looked like they slapped a coat of paint on it and maybe bought new (very hard) beds. The blanket (inadequate) was stained. The windows don’t have screens so I wasn’t comfortable opening it to air out the room. The ice machine, as listed on their ammenities flyer, was not to be found at all in my group of buildings and you had to walk down a sloping parking lot to the main building. The fitness room had 5 machines and the bike didn’t work.
This is a review from someone we like to call a “pussy.”
My question for this person is What the fuck did you expect? And what makes you nervous about outside air that is solved by a shitty mesh screen, the kind that any semi-motivated cat can walk through on accident? And how much goddamn ice do you need? Ice machines are just about the only thing that every hotel seems to have for almost no reason. Is it because people are getting shitfaced? Is it because people are using hotel rooms to lure prostitutes into before cutting out their organs of moderate value? Why do you need a garbage bag full of ice?
Oh, and when you ask a hotel worker where the best restaurant is, either give them five dollars or be prepared to hear that the shitty hotel restaurant is one of the better dining hotspots of a major city. Hint: No, it’s not. EVER.
Believe it or not, the front desk offered to give me a 15-wire RJ-45 outlet plate, and told me to re-install the connection in my room myself. OK, besides the Internet problem, the rooms are dumpy, my room wasn’t visited by the maid staff 2 of 4 days,…..other than alll this, it was a delight (NOT!!!). Avoid at all costs, or beware.
You’re right, I can’t believe it! Mostly what I can’t believe is that you spent 4 days harassing the idiotic staff before just going to any of a billion places that have free internet. Goddamn Burger King on Colfax has free wifi for fuck’s sake. If Burger King can figure out how to make internet happen through thin air, you should be able to pull it off somehow. Oh, and great burn with the NOT! Good thing you did spend your precious time online writing this hilarious, yet purposeful review.
Valli-Hi Hotel
For anyone who is unfamiliar with that phrase, it was the inscription above the gates of Hell from Dante’s Inferno. It would be appropriately inscribed above the office of the Valli-Hi Hotel. The only benefit to my stay at the Valli-Hi is I am now able to conclusively point out the low point of an otherwise excellent trip to Colorado.
Alright, bookworm. Thanks for the breakdown on Dante there. It’s exactly what I needed to hear in a review of a hotel room. Especially since I at first thought you had made up that quote yourself, which would have made it seem like you were plagiarizing.
Where to begin. . . It was late and my friend and I were just arriving in Denver and we were looking for a place to stay. As fate would have it the Val;li-Hi showed up on the GPS and we went there. The lady at the front desk was very rude (I did interupt her smoke break so I suppose I can take some of the blame), and after I paid for my night of hell we went to the room.
We got to our room only to discover there was no real door. Nothing, only a sliding glass patio door. The smell can be described fairly accurately as a mix of old sweat and cigarrette butts. The furniture and bed covers was full of cigarrette burns, the carpet was dingy, and the bathroom would strike abject terror into the hearts of anyone who values basic sanitation. The whole night I kept thinking, what a terrible way to get an STD.
The guy in the room next to us warned me about a teenage sex party going on in the room above, which explained the banging and screaming in the night. My friend and I slept with our hiking knives on the nightstand, at the ready for whatever might want to some through our door.
Asshole, you’re not in class, okay? Which is what you need to get through your head because when you hear that there’s a teenage sex party upstairs, the proper course of action might involve a knife, but not using it to cower in your bed in fright. How many times in your life will someone “warn” you of a teenage sex party happening just up the stairs? What else have you protected yourself from on your travels, a money party? Idiot.
Super 8 Santa Fe:
very rude front dest clerk when asked questions. young and thin and not mature and not suited for that type of business. will never go there again.no costumer service skills at all
I can’t believe they would hire someone thin! What a bunch of assholes. We all know what these THIN people are like. I’m with you on this one.
We arrived aprox 1:20am, in the rain.There was no one in the front desk and we could not get in. I pushed the bell and called on the telephone for over 5 minutes before someone finally shows up.
Our room was generally clean, the shower was very creaky. One pillow had blood stains on it. Gross!
Now, this review I’m with. It makes sense, it’s coherent, and they paint an overall picture of the beginning of their stay. HOWEVER, they then went on to rate the hotel’s cleanliness as a TWO of FIVE! TWO!! Blood on the pillow, the one thing on the room that your FACE makes contact with, is a zero. That’s a zero. What the fuck would have to have happened to earn this place a one? Corpse in the bathtub?
You want to get the straight dope on this dump? Well, my review is still pending. According to Tripadvisor, reviews meeting their guidelines are usually posted in a few days. It has been two weeks.