Always Make Sure to Arrive at the Airport 4 Hours Early
Good tip. No problem. It would normally be really annoying to get up four hours earlier than I really have to, but luckily our lavish airports are designed for comfort, something they did to encourage people to come early. It’s not like they have long rows of plastic-y chairs with built-in armrests so that you can’t sleep across them.
Why don’t they have nice chairs? What’s going to happen? A bum is going to somehow get a plane ticket and spend the next three years sleeping and pissing himself in a chair? Fuck that.
Let me ask you this, airport: You want us to arrive early, yet there’s not ONE fucking TV in the place showing old sitcom reruns!? You don’t even have the dignity of a terrible bar?
Pack Your Bag, Then Remove One-Third of What You Packed.
If I could make that decision, I wouldn’t have packed this much in the first place. That’s like saying, “If you constantly eat the entire Tombstone pizza yourself, cut it in thirds and throw one third away.” If I could be mature enough to do that, I wouldn’t be googling solutions for overeating pizza while I’m on the toilet now would I?
Change Your Sleeping Habits Gradually Leading Up to Your Trip
Good advice. Only problem is that there is such a thing as Staying Up Late Drinking Whiskey and Listening to Podcasts About Things I Don’t Care About.
Dress Comfortably and Casually for the Plane
Clearly everyone else got this message. I’m talking to you, gentlemen in the cargo shorts with the shiny polo shirt. Just because it has a collar and two buttons does not mean you look good, especially when the breast logo is letting me know about the existence of a beverage available in vending machines worldwide.
Dressing comfortably and casually is not the same as comfortably and casually for the plane. The first is jeans and a shirt. The second is some kind of hood that protects you from odors, sounds, and thoughts.