If this turns out good, I’m getting it blown up huge in case I die in the next couple years and need a big picture for my funeral. I’d hate for people to be staring at a blow-up picture of me sweating and playing Guitar Hero while my mom is trying to say something nice about me.
Turn to your good side. Close your right eye just a little so it’s the same size as the left. Hide your teeth. Hold your head up to avoid neck wrinkles. Eyebrows down. Unflair nostrils. This is really exhausting.
Untag, untag, untag, untag, untag, untag.
People spend a lot of time talking about a vampire’s immortality, strength, and shape-changing ability. But they always undersell the thing where they are invisible in pictures. How is that never mentioned up top?
If I could go back in time, I would kill the guy who invented pictures. Maybe get Hitler on the way back. If there’s enough gas in the time car.
Why did I leave that 50-cent gangster grill at home? This is exactly what it was for! Formal portraiture!
You know what would be a good alternative to saying the word “Smile” out loud? Taking me out of this situation and putting me somewhere, doing something that pleases me in some way and may actually cause a smile.