“I like to make fun of heist stories because…I don’t know, they’re always slick and cool. I can prove I like to make fun of heist stories because I wrote AN ENTIRE BOOK that’s a heist story about someone trying to steal a log of shit from a science lab. It’s called the Heist-est Heist Ever Heisted, further proof that I genuinely enjoy mocking this genre.
You might be thinking, Pete, this isn’t really a review of Thief of Thieves. That’s right! I STOLE the review space and turned it into an ad for my own book. I’m wearing a tuxedo RIGHT NOW. I’m dashing. Charming. And a thief. I thought you liked thieves? Oh, I get it, you only like them when they’re George Clooney or Brad Pitt, not when their eyebrows grow together and then don’t just touch, but keep assaulting the borders of the other eyebrow and pushing through, and maybe eventually they’ll be two, separate eyebrows again once they pass all the way through each other?”