“This is a pretty good book that does a better job explaining the circle of life than that silly song does.
But it’s also kind of fucked up.
Not the book. I think the book could actually be a very gentle introduction to death and the utter fucking horror that is nature.
Seriously, nature is totally fucked up.
You’ll see video of two little birds cuddling, then a hawk swoops in and just fucking tears one of the birds away. And you’re like, “Those birds were in love. And then the bird’s just…gone.”
Every animal is like a goddamn murderous maniac!
And plants are no better. There’s this quote, I think it’s from a Swamp Thing comic, and I’ll paraphrase:
“You see nature as harmonious. I see that tree strangling that other tree to death over a period of decades in front of its own mother.”
Of course, I know people are no better.
I just want to watch nature docs that don’t have so much, “Oh, and then this little dude got eaten.”
And I know what you’re thinking: That’s nature. That’s how it works. You can’t just ignore it.
First of all: The hell I can’t!
But secondly, it’s not nature.
There’s nothing natural about a documentary that follows a pair of penguins raising babies. There’s nothing natural about applying narrative to them and romantic feelings to their behaviors. There’s nothing natural about Patton Oswalt narrating the whole thing. There’s nothing natural about the editing and music and all this shit that makes me invested in these goddamn penguins I never would’ve known about if I hadn’t watched this fucking show.”