“The Visitor: How and Why He Stayed”

“The titular visitor had this gizmo that was like a floating, glowing iPhone. And it also blasted people or disintegrated them or something. I’ve been very seriously considering going to a flip phone when my phone breaks. I talk to ONE person regularly, and everyone else I talk to is every couple months, a text like, “Wanna eat lunch?”

I started looking around at not-smart phones and found some options. The weirdest? The NoPhone, which is a phone-shaped piece of plastic. For like $15. Fun gag, I guess but is it $15 of fun? The only use I see for this, when the current generation gets dementia, we can give them these little plastic bars to fool them into thinking they’re doing what they’ve always done without exposing them to the dangers of people selling whatever it is that telemarketers are selling right now. I don’t actually know, although I hear i can get lower interest rates?”