“The Song Of Roland”

“Paul stories are always pretty darn good. I can appreciate them. They really are underrated in terms of being in the mix with something like Blankets. I think they feel very honest, and Michel Rabagliatti has a knack for capturing memories and turning them into moments on the page. Which makes most of his work feel very authentic while not having that feeling like it’s really reaching, a feeling that can mess with the ability to enjoy it.

In this volume we watch the decline of Paul’s father in law. It’s a sad, fairly slow death, although it’s not graphic or tedious. I think it makes a great point of demonstrating how the death of someone close is difficult, and when there’s a long leading up to that death we end up spending a lot of time still dealing with our lives. Doesn’t it seem unfair that you still have to put gas in your car when your mother dies? Shouldn’t there be some kind of cosmic week off from all that kind of shit?

While reading this, I was also listening to the album Southeastern by Jason Isbell. It’s really great. You should absolutely get your hands on it.

I had it playing on the old boombox I’ve had since I was in grade school. There are still hash marks of permanent marker I used to mark favorite radio stations. The sound kind of fuzzes out here and there, but it’s a comfort in some ways. It’s pretty amazing that the thing still runs. I mean, shit, it’s been at least 15 years.

After listening to an album a few times I pick out a few favorite tracks. One of my favorites off Southeastern is “Elephant”, a song that’s also about death. Rather than explain it sonically, I’d recommend taking a listen, being aware that he uses the word Fuck once towards the beginning, just in case you’re at work or something (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ClugMhMbrRg)

In particular, these words struck me:

I’ve buried her a thousand times
giving up my place in line
but I don’t give a damn about that now

There’s one thing that’s real clear to me
No one dies with dignity
We just try to ignore the elephant somehow

It’s surprising at first, but the more I think about it, the more it’s really not all that surprising. How many people really die the way they would choose to? Let alone when.

My grandmother passed not too long ago. I know that when she died she wasn’t ready. She’d made some peace with the fact that her children were grown and all taking care of themselves. But that’s probably the most one could say.

The way this relates to the Song of Roland is that the death in this book is fairly gentle, expected, and, well, dignified. And that may be how it happened. It’s no secret that Paul represents somewhat of an avatar for the author in most of the books, and in this case I’m sure it’s the same situation. I’m sure some people DO go that way.

However, I think the song was comforting for me, and I wonder if there’s room in fiction for people to die in pain or feeling that it’s not time. I think that although we don’t like to imagine our loved ones passing that way, it helps to know that they weren’t the only ones. That to some extent, just as we don’t get to choose our death, we might not get to choose how we react to that death in the moment either.