“Oh snap! There’s an election this year? And that guy is one of the guys? And I should vote for him? Okay. Great! Thank you. Your bumper sticker that consists of two bizarre last names and the current year as been most informative.”
“Haha, I think I get what you’re saying there. You took something heartfelt and maudlin like missing a spouse and turned it on its head by implying that you are ‘missing’ her in the way one misses a target with a rifle. Bravo, sir. That is both humorous and a nice way of letting me know that you are working through your separation in your own way.”
“I see by your rainbow flag sticker that you support the rights of gay individuals. I bet it’s a big comfort to gay strangers to know that you are willing to deface the most junky part of your automobile in order to let them know that you are cool with them existing, in general. That’s huge.”
“I’m to understand that your platform is that all different religions should ‘coexist’? That’s a pretty bold statement, sir. Are you sure that you want to take it that far?”
“Dude, I also very much enjoy Monster Energy Drink. Isn’t it one of the best drinks? Have you ever tried it in a glass with ice? That’s nice in summer. Also, just straight from the can is good too. Well, thanks for talking to me about all the possibilities with Monster Energy Drink. Monster: Get Monstrous.”
“So you once ran 26.s miles. That’s really great. And a very necessary thing for you to let me know as we are on the road together. Especially if you JUST did it. Did you JUST do it? Because if so, I will make sure and give you extra consideration as you must be very tired after shutting down an entire goddamn downtown to do something that is so physically taxing that Oprah did it when she was like 50.”
“Thank you for the support of our local sporting franchise. I bet that sometimes our local athletes are feeling like their self-esteem isn’t quite high enough, and maybe we should all be doing out little part to help.”
“You drive a car. AND enjoy Batman! You are clearly the most fascinating individual I’ve ever met.”
“That grenade thing? I seriously don’t know what the fuck that is. No, don’t explain it to me. This is me no longer doing the cute web site thing. I have no earthly idea what you’re doing with that, but I bet that finding out would only upset me further.”