“The Property”

“If I found out I owned an apartment with an old man living his golden years peacefully inside, I’d kick his ass out in a heartbeat.

Then a quick Ikea trip, boom, AirBNB in Warsaw.

It’s been WAY too long since we’ve seen a classic 80’s plot where condo developers are going to destroy the cool beach house, or condo developers are going to demolish an apartment building.

Maybe the modern version is someone who buys a bunch of properties and then turns them into AirBNBs.

Y’all, I hate AirBNB. Everyone seems to love it, and I’ll admit, I had my love affair with it as well. But the bloom is off the rose.

It’s like a hotel, but less convenient. When I go on vacation, I don’t really want to like, hang out with a new, temporary landlord. If I’m going to pay someone to be my friend, I’ll go to Vegas where it’s legal and buy a VCR and one of those tapes with a virtual friend.

I bet you thought I was going to say my friend plan was “hooker” didn’t you? What the hell, man?

And the person is always cagey about the fact that you just let yourself in and shit, then it’s like, “Okay, use this secret passcode to get the key. Knock on the gate three times. There’s a dog in the yard sometimes, we don’t know why, we think he’s a ghost…”

All this so you can have a kitchen, which you’ll probably use like one time. “