“The Old Guard, vol. 1: Opening Fire”

“This is…fine?

I won’t spoil the overall premise, but let’s just say it’s pretty lean. You sort of expect a story to spring from this premise, but it never really does. I guess the best way to describe it would be like the last 20 minutes of E.T. but more violent-er?

Also, please, god, please jesus, enough with the cool hitman stories. I don’t know why these folks are the Expendables but more serious, but they’re the Expendables but more serious.

If I’m reading a story about a special team selected to go to a place and do a thing, it better be the novelization of Predator or the novelization of The Big Hit.

Hmm, it doesn’t look like there’s a novelization of The Big Hit. Well, if someone wants to hire a writer for it, I’ve probably seen it more than anyone involved with the movie, definitely more than anyone around today, so I’m your huckleberry.”