“Here’s what I’m seeing in a lot of reviews. This is a direct pull from a reviewer below. I’m not attacking this reviewer, but I think it’s a good summary of the sorts of things people are saying:
I also feel the need to point out that reading this as a woman is this: It would be misogynistic if it weren’t so clear that this was clearly written by a man who has experienced a lot of rejection in his life and is incredibly bitter. Women are very one dimensional and vapid and emotional throughout.
I’m going to bust out the Merriam-Webster here and define misogyny:
“a hatred of women”
This book definitely puts women in categories. For example, in saying that women like to be taken out to expensive dinners. It also puts men into categories. For example, in saying that men do not like to take women to expensive dinners.
Why does this happen?
I feel like it’s a common thing to see in comedy, the use of stereotype as a shortcut. Because the content is a joke.
So, for example, in one of my favorite pieces, we get a Scared Straight type of program, but instead of keeping criminals off the streets, adult men in long-term relationships are screaming at teens about the dangers of commitment.
“Look at this fucking restaurant!” a red-faced guard had screamed at him as he shuffled through the candlelit bistro. “This is the kind of place you’re going to have to take her to every Saturday night! Because when you’re in a relationship, Saturday night is date night!”
Christian tried to keep it together, but when the guard shoved a menu into his hand and made him read out the price of the steak au poivre, his lips began to quiver.
A conscientious treatise on gender politics would be sure to point out that women pay for meals. That sometimes it’s a man who wants to take a woman to a fancy place as a way of demonstrating his economic status. If I thought about it as me, I would think, “My girlfriend makes the same money I do, and she pretty much insists on paying more often than not by PHYSICALLY taking my wallet away from me.”
I can’t disagree that the characters are one-dimensional. However, I think this is done with purpose. The stories serve the jokes, the characters serve the jokes. The jokes in this book are strongly premise-based, backed up with some snappy dialog. Character, male OR female, doesn’t have a lot of room to move in this book.
I’ll admit it, I just thought the book was goddamn funny. The premise of a scared straight for relationships? That shit’s funny.
Now, what I’m not doing here is tossing off an accusation of misogyny by saying that the content isn’t serious and is therefore not subject to the same rules.
This is a book that has a short story where a man goes on a date with a troll. Not a stand-in, very unattractive woman. A literal troll. There are mermaids. Someone’s ex starts dating Hitler. And I think the purpose, the over-arching theme of this books is the idea of what it FEELS like to date. And within a single, narrow category: As a straight, white man in his 20’s or 30’s.
The point of the Hitler story is that, basically, when your ex starts dating someone new it always feels like that person must be the worst ever. And somehow, nobody sees it but you. All your mutual friends are like, “I think you’re overreacting. He’s not so bad.” The joke here isn’t “Hitler! That’s funny!” The joke is the idea of irrational hatred that FEELS legitimate taken to a completely farcical level.
The book is kind of brilliant in the way it turns feelings, which are just that, and makes them into reality. Emotion shapes each story.
I felt like the writing came from the heart. Which isn’t something we’re used to saying with comedy. From The Heart almost always means serious, possibly involving angels. But really, I think the stories show a rawness of emotion that can be a little off-putting at times. If you asked me how I felt 10 minutes into a break-up, I might say things that I would never say outside of that space. In this book, that space is expanded and preserved, and we get to explore how uncomfortable and awful that space is, not just because dating is hard and it can suck, but because we make it hard for ourselves with our unfair, stupid, reactionary, in-the-moment emotions.
The stories are definitely from a male perspective, and some of the women behave in a way some of us would be proud of, some of them do not. Them men are the same.
I guess my overall feeling is that if you’re reading reviews and wondering whether this book is hateful towards women, I would say it’s not. One man’s opinion. If you think the above scenarios sound funny, then you’ll like this book. If you think it sounds too unfair to women, then I won’t say you’re wrong. It’s a book that is definitely, 100% from a male perspective, voiced by male characters. I find it to be a mixed bag of good-hearted people and shitty people. Which is my experience of life too, the difference being that the length and reality of my actual experiences provides a lot more opportunity for nuance, which these stories do not.
If someone put a lady version of this in my hands, I’d be excited to read it, and I’d probably laugh. If someone put a transgender version of this in my hands, I’d probably laugh too. The humor, for me, was in the dead-on setups and the dialog, and I don’t think I really found much in the realm of “women be all like this” as a setup or a punchline.
I’m a Simon Rich fan. What can I say?”