1. Denial
Oh fuck. This isn’t happening. This is not happening.
2. Anger
Really? You had to eat that whole fucking burrito? Couldn’t have left room for your shit anywhere in your organs? That’s just great.
3. Bargaining
Four hours, god. Just four more hours. You can make them go by so fast, I know you can. Do this thing for me and I take back all that stuff I said about your son. I bet he’s really cool, really.
4. Depression.
Why not just sit here and shit my pants? At least that way I could go home. Stupid income-based society. What does it even matter? I’ll just be a shit-covered corpse someday anyway. Just a pile of bones with a shit drizzle on top.
5. Acceptance.
Screw it. I’m going in. Maybe this time I’ll remember to lock the door so I don’t shit, wash my hands, and only then realize the door was unlocked the whole time and have about a 40 minute panic attack.