“From the man who wrote the screenplay for Beetlejuice! Why did it take me so long to read it? Because I’m a moron.
Look, the other day I was headed to work, and I heard this noise on top of my car. I was pretty sure I was being shelled. Which is what I call it when a ninja turtles emerge from the sewers to kick ass.
Turned out it was a coffee thermos that I had left on the roof of the car. Not my imminent demise. I’d left it on the roof of the car, it tipped over and fell into the road. By the way, if that’s how loud it is in a car when your coffee thermos tips over and rolls off, I can only imagine how loud it is if you’re actually being shelled.
And now my coffee thermos has a bunch of gouges in the part you drink from, a constant reminder that I’m a moron. As if I needed a constant reminder…wait, maybe I do. Maybe part of being a moron is that constant reminder-ing is a necessity. “Oh, right. I dumb. It’s all coming back to me now…””