“Huh. I didn’t even know this was on here. As far as I can tell, this is the booklet that comes packaged in the Super Mario All-Stars collection for the Wii. I mean, there are probably 500 words in here at most.
But hey, a good excuse to put up Pete’s Top 5 Mario Games of All-Time, Ever
Oh, and this doesn’t include games like Golf where Mario is just slapped into a game because they figured the mustachioed hero would help sell a couple more copies of an electronic version of a game that I’ve only played while severely intoxicated and ended the day really peeing up a gazebo.
Also not included is stuff like Mario Kart or Mario Party. Those are games with Mario IN THEM, but really it’s more like Nintendo Kart and Nintendo Party.
Super Mario World-
The game that came with the Super Nintendo, this is the game that really, to me, represents the pinnacle of side-scrolling Mario games. Some would say Super Mario 3 on the NES was better, but frankly that game is hard as hell. Seriously, without the Warp Whistles and a couple P Wings, there’s no way to make it through that bastard. This one, though, has it all. Ghost houses, Special World, and the first introduction of Yoshi, our dinosaur friend who was almost as much fun to ride as he was to spring off of as you flew over a bottomless pit. This game really fulfilled two of my biggest fantasies, riding a dinosaur and murdering a dinosaur.
New Super Mario Bros. Wii-
The 4-player Mario, what really stands out about this one is that it’s the only game I can remember recently playing with 4 people. Not just playing, but actually having people over for the express purpose of playing this game together as a group. Two other people who played tried to get the game on their own, and they told me it just wasn’t as fun without multiple people, which I confirmed on my own. The best part is that you can choose to help the group, or you can be a complete asshole and steal 4X the needed power-ups and actually hurl your comrades into pits. Hurling friendlies into pits is really an obsession of mine, I’m discovering. However, when the valuable helicopter hats come flying out of a box, one for each person, there’s nothing more satisfying than snatching every single one. Especially because it gains you NOTHING WHATSOEVER! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!
Super Mario World 2: Yoshi’s Island-
In this one you actually play as Yoshi escorting an infant Mario across treacherous territory. Okay, Baby Mario cries at such a tone that you’re almost relieved when he is carried off to be tortured in a baby-sized torture chamber, undoubtedly the cutest torture chamber around, but the game itself is super fun, has some new mechanics, and has a bizarre, almost hand-drawn look to it that’s different from everything else Mario.
Super Mario Galaxy-
This game actually brought a tear to my eye. No foolin’. It was exactly what I remembered from the best of Mario, a game that had me saying “No way!” over and over. It was a rare positive example of trying to recapture a feeling from youth and being successful. Video game people call it a “sense of wonder” in a game, and I think that description does it just fine.
Super Mario 64-
If I may be so bold, I would pose this as the first fully 3-dimensional game that involved jumping and running that, well, actually worked! Not only worked, but justified the existence of action/adventure games in 3 dimensions. There were others, but it seemed like them being in functional 3-D was a gimmick, a third dimension slapped on plans for 2.
What makes this game great is that you do EVERYTHING. Shooting out of cannons, riding magic carpets, fighting enormous bad guys, punching microscopic versions of those same bad guys faaaaarrrrr into the horizon, racing bastard shithead penguins down ice slides, surfing on a turtle shell, and even transforming into a totally rad liquid metal Mario. It really feels like they left nothing on the table, and I mean that in the absolute best way you can ever conceive.
If there’s one video game everyone should play, not to get an idea of video game history, not to expand their sense of art, not to give me something to talk to them about at a party until I realize I’ve cornered this person and not stopped talking for the last 45 minutes (although it DOES all that stuff too), this is the game.”