Squad Commands I NEED in Video Games

X Button
“Stay where you are.  I’m 100% serious.  If you move, I will end you.  Please just stay there.”

Y Button
“Kindly stop shooting me in the head, neck, and back.  I know we’re all very excited here, but let’s stay frosty.”

B Button
“Could you, for once, handle this stupid conversation with the dumbass governor of whatever butt planet we’re on?  Why do I always have to do this shit?  I just want to stay on the ship and eat an ice cream sandwich.”

A Button
“Go home and kill your own family.  Seriously, you are the worst.”

L Trigger
“As a blanket, standing rule, how about when you are being shot to pieces, you do ANYTHING?  Just move or crouch or something.  Make it seem like you want to be alive just a little.”

R Trigger
Go get a real job and make us some money so we can buy some of this stuff we need.  That’d be a big help.