Baseball
Real Life: Lots of standing around, very humiliating pants. However, hot dogs are often present.
Video Game:Smaller physical toll, however the game lacks the little details that make it nice, such as the ability to rush the mound, trash a dugout, or scream “Dirty Dingus Ass Head!” in an umpire’s face.
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Basketball
Real Life: Definitely a game where pure athleticism and skill can be combined in different amounts to achieve success. So when you have neither it is very noticeable.
Video Game: The process of putting a ball through a high-up hoop while playing within a strict set of rules seems even sillier when you’re pushing a button to do it. It also brings up the question of whether Pop-a-Shot is a sport, which it should be.
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Football
Real Life: Probably the most likely sport to help you connect with girls in high school. However, post high school it becomes way less about women and more about the game. They forget where they came from. They forget about the poontang.
Video Game: Maybe they could incorporate some feature where you win a big game and get to see a nude photo or something. Either way, these games blow because you have to pick from a list of 400 different plays before the action even begins. Fuck that. When you play Mario Kart, you don’t sit down and plan a route before you go. You just go.
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Soccer
Real Life: Goddamn exhausting. I feel like they could make the field shorter and thereby increase scoring and the lifespan of retired soccer players.
Video Game: I don’t understand why they don’t make armless players in this game. It would save some animation time. Seriously, if there were ever going to be a Special Olympic event where people without arms could kick ass, this would be it.
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Golf
Real Life: I will never understand why the only sport that accepts players getting shitfaced during play is also the only sport that prefers you wear pleated khakis.
Video Game: Never has the video game version of something been further divorced from the real life version. It’s always about hitting a button when a little arrow is at a certain spot on a meter. Why someone would go to the trouble of lovingly recreating a real life golf course when the player is doing something so bizarre is beyond me.