Age 5:
This is my Winston from Ghostbusters. He does….he does this.
I like my Venkman because he’s more funnier. I left him at home because I didn’t want to share my very favorite. And the other Ghostbusters said, Winston you have to go to class. They always make Ray and Winston do stuff because Winston is black and Ray is fat.
~
Age 9:
Hey guys. This is a soccer ball. It’s for playing soccer, I guess. That’s what other people do with it. I don’t really know why it’s black and neon green. I guess it’s 1992, so what can you do?
Honestly, I would have preferred to bring my Venkman. Or possibly the Beetlejuice Vanishing Vault. Oh yeah, I have that shit. And I only fucked up one of the stickers it came with, so I’m pretty proud of that jobber. But, you know, we’re all 9 here. So we can’t play with action figures. I can bring a ball that you use to play a game that’s mostly running around with shit strapped to your ankles. That’s for men, where a toy that makes Beetlejuice disappear in a grave is kind of for kids.
Hey, should be a fun next ten years in school, huh?
~
Age 14:
This is a CD I like. It’s the only thing that understands me. I’m sort of upset about the fact that a rock band I’ll never meet understands me better than you, but I also think you’re stupid shitheads and wouldn’t really listen if you told me the exact same things because I just can’t listen to you.
That’s all I have to say.
~
Age 18:
Uh, let me just thank the professor here for having us bring in objects to share in our college class here. Pretty good way to kill a day of class, huh?
I decided to go ahead an bring in a bill that I made myself. I’ll just hand that over to the school here. That’s for today’s class. I mean, if I’m running the class here, I should probably get a refund, right?
Okay. That’s pretty much good for me. But I’m really looking forward to seeing the sweater you have from your boyfriend back in Michigan that still smells like him. I’ll be enjoying watching the deterioration of that relationship as evidenced by the light going out of your eyes over the next several weeks.
~
Age 25:
Oh, we were supposed to bring a thing? For the icebreaker for this meeting? I thought that was a joke. That was serious? Shit.
Uh, sorry for saying shit at work.
Here’s, uh, here’s a flash drive. It’s got all kinds of stuff on it. Um. It’s a Kingston.
~
Age 30:
Yeah, I saw the interoffice memo. I’m not doing that. Fuck me, no way.
~
Age 60:
Well, here I am. Back in an elementary school. So I guess I’m here so you can all see what will become of you. I can still remember bringing my Ghostbusters to my own Kindergarten class. Do you guys remember Ghostbusters? No? Christ. Well, they were these four guys who fought ghosts. One was a black.
Okay, that’ll do it for me.