Now, you might think that’s the end of the story right there. Jason took the money, Arkade got demolished, and there were some pretty nice condos put in its place.
But it’s not the end. Not by a longshot.
Because for one thing, Jason doesn’t actually own the building. He pays rent on it. And it turns out, when you rent a building and Japanese guys want to buy it, they have to buy it from whoever owns it, not from Jason.
That’s something we found out when the Japanese guys came back a couple hours later and demanded all the money back and Jason had to re-band all these stacks of bills and then replace one of the hundred dollar bills with a bunch of quarters because that’s what we have at the Arkade, and because he’d burned one of the hundred dollar bills to light a cigar off of.
Mr. Carpenter, the guy who owns the building, came by after that, and right there at Arkade, he shook hands with the Japanese guys and took the million dollars. Well, the $999,900 dollars, and then the $100 in quarters, which is a lot of goddamn quarters.
Mr. Carpenter gave the sack of quarters back to Jason. Probably because he felt bad, but even more probably because he just got a million dollars, and it’s not worth a millionaire’s time to carry around a hundred bucks in quarters.
The Japanese guys left, and then Jason talked to Mr. Carpenter.
He said, “Mr. Carpenter. You can’t just sell Arkade! This place is a cornerstone of the neighborhood. You just…you can’t!”
Mr. Carpenter said, “Why not? You were going to.”
Mr. Carpenter had him there. But he knew damn well that was a different situation. In that situation, Jason was going to get the money. In this situation, he wasn’t. Apples and oranges.
Jason said, “Isn’t there any way you can see it in your cold, black heart to let us stay here?”
Mr. Carpenter scowled. Probably because of the thing Jason said about his cold, black heart. That wasn’t the most smartest thing to say when you want someone to do something nice for you.
Mr. Carpenter said, “Son, let me tell you a secret of business. The way to get ahead in business, and in life, is to do something and then make money from it. And then make a really BIG amount of money from something, even if it’s kind of on accident. And then you use that money to have with you and be rich. That’s business.”
Jason tried to write all that down, but Mr. Carpenter talked too fast. That’s how you knew Mr. Carpenter was a good businessman. They always talk fast and say things that sound good but don’t actually make sense.
Jason said, “Okay. What if I give you even MORE money than those guys gave you? Could we keep Arkade then?”
Mr. Carpenter said, “Well…sure. If there’s one thing I know about business, more money is better than the amount of money it’s more than. But how are you going to pay me more than they did? You couldn’t even buy this building off me before, and it was a lot cheaper before those guys gave me a million bucks. Now, it’s a million bucks, plus more bucks.”
Jason said, “Don’t worry. You leave that to me.”
Mr. Carpenter said, “Well, yeah. I wasn’t going to come up with the plan for you. I was just trying to kind of doubt you without being a jerk about it and coming straight out and saying that it’s impossible and you’ll never be able to raise that much dough.”
Jason said, “Good, then. We’re in agreement. If I can get you the money before the end of the week, you’ll sell Arkade to me.”
Mr. Carpenter said, “Son, you get me that money by the end of the week, and I’ll sell Arkade to YOU.”
It was the same thing Jason said, but I think there’s a business thing about having the last word. Even if the last word is the same word someone else just told you.
Jason and Mr. Carpenter shook hands, and then Mr. Carpenter walked off with his huge sack full of money and a twinkle in his eye. From all the money.
~
Jason brought us all into a room, and he said that since we had seven days, the best chance we had of coming up with a million dollars was to create seven different plans, one for each day.
That sounded like good logic. We went off to separate spots to think, and then came back together to tell our ideas.
Jason had a dry erase marker even though we didn’t have a dry-erase board. He bought the marker first, and then he would just hold it if we ever had a meeting.
“Okay,” he said, and he uncapped the marker for no real reason. Let’s hear the plans.”
Ben said, “I think the only answer is clear. Bikini car wash.”
Jason kind of moved the marker around in the air, like he was writing something in mid air.
He said, “Okay. Where do we get the bikini people?”
Ben said, “Well. You know. You put up the sign, then they come apply, then they get soapy and have hose fights, and bam, we save the day.”
Jason said, “Okay. That sounds solid. That’s Monday, then. Next plan, I’ll go. I was thinking that we should do a daring midday robbery of something. And also, the robbery should have a team member in a bikini. That’s Tuesday.”
We all nodded.
Then Jason pointed the marker at me.
I said, “I was thinking, maybe we could shoot our own movie where they solve a problem with a bikini-related thing. Like a car wash or driving jeeps in the desert.”
Jason said, “Wednesday. Um, did we come up with any plans that don’t involve bikinis?”
We all looked at Agnes because she’s a lady and maybe she thought of something that didn’t involve bikinis because it’s possible for her to have thoughts that don’t involve bikinis.
Agnes said, “My idea was bikinis too. Kind of. Mine was just bikini bottoms because I was thinking topless bikini car wash. But the I wasn’t sure if that was still a bikini thing or not. Because it’s not so much a bikini car wash as a boobs car wash.”
“Okay,” Jason said. “Thursday. I guess we’ll see if boobs can save the Aarkade!
[author’s note: any good story has the title of the story in it, and great stories have that title declared in a real big way. So just to make you aware, you’re reading a great story right now, you lucky duck]
~
Monday
Monday was the bikini car wash day.