Phase 1: All employees wear billowy button-up shirts in purples and pinks.
Phase 2: Half-oval signs sticking off the side of the building so that they are visible ONLY from Borders and the Home Depot hot dog cart.
Phase 3: Park mid-90’s Jeep Cherokee out front, open doors and trunk, play Metallica’s “Anywhere I Roam” loud, mildly offending and confusing a passing family.
Phase 4: Buy up the display shelving from the auction of set pieces from the motion picture Demolition Man.
Phase 5: Make sure that a single sale involves punching about 40,000 computer keys after questions like, “Zip code?”
Phase 6: Come up with killer slogan. Usually lightning doesn’t strike twice, but the incredible “You’ve never heard it so good” is getting stale.
Phase7: Advertise mostly on radio, a low-quality format likely playing in someone’s car while they sit at a red light and wonder how noticeable the coffee stain on their pants appears.
Phase 8: Close down one day a year to put new purple carpet over the layer of roach legs on the floor.
Phase 9: Spike haircuts for everyone!
Phase 10: Make appearance at any parking lot event where you can find a dunk tank.