The Billion Dollar Lottery by Charles Hinton
My rating: 0 of 5 stars
“Son, get my life savings out of the closet.”
“You mean the hundred pennies in the jar?”
“Yes, son.”
…
Can people understand why I’m not sure if this author is a genius or not? Because that shit’s kind of funny. But also it’s kind of not.
Oh well.
While we’re on the topic of humor, I wanted to write what I hope will become an annual feature: My List of Jokes That I Hope Will Die Out In 2016
1. The Butt Joke
You know the one. “Take this object and hide it…in your butt!”
Oh man, it’s soooo funny how people have to hide stuff and then they put it in their butts. That’s where poop comes out!
But I’ve seen enough. I’m all set here. Let’s start hiding stuff somewhere else. I don’t care where. You figure out what the next-most-hilarious spot is.
2. The “When Your [Blank] [Does] [Blank]” Followed By A Gif
There’s one good Gif in the world. It’s Top Men from Indiana Jones. If you’re not using Top Men, I don’t give a damn.
3. Dancing
Yes, I’m looking at you, Vine. Dancing is not hilarious because it’s dancing. Dancing is sometimes hilarious because it looks stupid, but that’s really more because you know the person who is dancing and now can remind them of their skills for the rest of their lives. Don’t just start dancing and call it a day.
4. Trump Jokes
Give it a rest. I get it, he’s a villain and it’s rare that we find someone that it’s okay to make fun of with all of our might. And we finally got a rich, white, male racist who is also a total fool, and we’ve been hankering for a target for a long time.
But it’s been done. And just because your Trump joke is true doesn’t mean it’s funnier.
Also, I’m pretty tired of hearing about Trump. From ALL angles. To the point that I declared that in 2016 I’d be contributing a dollar to Trump’s campaign every time I checked Twitter’s trending topics and he was on there. Because I want people to feel SOME tiny, minuscule consequence. I want to point out the hypocrisy of all these news sources decrying all the dumb crap he says while making money from clicks. We can ignore him. We can do it.
…I just checked for today. You’ve lucked out.
5. Tinder Jokes
Swipe right, swipe left. Can you believe people are using TELEPHONES to find sex now? What a novel concept.
6. Tears As Lube
Look, masturbating isn’t that bad. It’s actually pretty great. Give it a rest.