Giant Days, Vol. 1 by John Allison
My rating: 3 of 5 stars
John Allison’s Bad Machinery is more my jam. I think it’s funnier. It’s a little bit less grounded, maybe, or engages in some wilder, weirder kind of stuff, but I felt like that work stood out to me more than this one.
This one will do, and it’s better than many. It’s kinda like when you’re playing a Super Mario game that’s not your favorite Super Mario game. It’ll tide you over, but for the most part, it makes you want Super Mario World.
Oooohhhh. I just figured out what we’re doing in this review. We’re ranking Super Mario games based on different criteria.
Now, hold the phone. Here are the games that can be picked from:
Super Mario Bros (SMB)
Super Mario Bros 2 (SMB2)
Super Mario Bros 3 (you get it, right?)
Super Mario Land (for Gameboy)
Super Mario World
Super Mario World 2 Yoshi’s Island
Super Mario 64
Super Mario Galaxy
New Super Mario Bros Wii
Notable omissions: (this is getting nerdy, even for me)
Super Mario RPG (RPG. That says it all)
Mario Kart (Racing game, not a platformer)
Mario Bros (Atari. Not here because really, more of an action puzzle game, no?)
Mario Paint (played with a mouse)
Mario is Missing (Really a Luigi game)
Mario Sunshine (never played it, unfortunately)
Paper Mario (never played it. Hey, just being honest)
Mario Tennis (no sports)
Lost Levels (ehhh, I’m America-centric, what can I say?)
Here we go! Say it in a Charles Martinet voice!
Best Mario Game
1. Super Mario 64
2. Super Mario World
3. Super Mario Galaxy
Now, I’m sure a lot of people are asking “Where in the mushroom-y fuck is Super Mario 3?!” Well…it’s a great game, but it’s so hard. It’s so hard, in fact, that I never end up seeing much of it. There must be so many cool things in SMB3 that I have no idea about because that game is so goddamn long and difficult.
Most Interesting Mario Game
1. Super Mario World 2: Yoshi’s Island
2. Super Mario Land
3. Super Mario Bros. 2
The first, a project that was kind of a spite project. If legend is to be believed, the designers got pissed off when execs were demanding that SMW2 have amazing, incredible (for the time) graphics, and instead they added backgrounds and characters that look like childrens’ crayon drawings. God do I love a spite project.
Desert Island Mario Game
1. Super Mario 64
2. Super Mario World
3. Super Mario Bros 3
I guess this tells you about how I rank shit. The only difference to me between this and “best” is SMB3 makes the list, mostly because if I was stuck on a desert island, I’d probably have enough time to get good at the damn thing. Also, I would be able to identify with that enemy sun that swoops down to kill you. Hate that sun.
Mario Game With The Most Bizarre Thing Just Thrown In
1. Super Mario 64
2. SMB3
3. SMB2
In 64, there’s a fucking piano monster that appears one time, scares the bejeezus out of you, and is so unexpected. In 3, it’s that little wind-up green shoe that you can get ONLY in world 5-3. Kuribo’s Shoe, I’m told by internet. How odd that they put a usable item in the game, a wind-up, giant shoe no less, only to have it appear in ONE level. THERE ARE 90 LEVELS IN THIS GAME! We’re talking about an item that’s in 1% of the game. An interactive, usable item. We live in a fucked-up world, my friends.
Mario Game I Most Like Talking About
1. Super Mario 64
2. Super Mario Galaxy
3. Super Mario World 2: Yoshi’s Island
Galaxy shows up a lot on my list. I think that game and its sequel are criminally underrated. The Wii is seen as this non-gamer’s platform, but I can tell you that I’ve never beaten anything more difficult than The Perfect Run from SMG2 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dpGjK…) and the toughest star from SMG1 is no slouch either (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ECfQm…). These are really cool games, and super fun. The music is great, and it’s like The Little Prince, the videogame, except the prince is Mario instead of some little blonde jerkoff.
Mario Game To Play With Friends
1. New Super Mario Bros Wii
2. Super Mario World
3. Super Mario Bros. 2
New Super Mario Bros Wii isn’t my favorite Mario game, but it’s by far the most fun to play with friends. Get 4 people in a room together, 4 controllers, and you’ll have a blast. Also, if you’re looking to create drama and destroy your relationship for some reason, that’s a lock with this one.
Super Mario Bros 2 ends up here, and here’s why. Though not traditionally 2 players, you go through with different characters, and it’s fun as hell to die and watch your buddy have to go through the levels with a crappy character.