Fanboys vs. Zombies Vol. 1 by Sam Humphries
My rating: 2 of 5 stars
Let’s use this as a teachable moment. I’m pretty sure that’s what Obama was talking about when he used that phrase. I’m pretty sure he was talking about zombie media.
I’d like to throw in a couple things that we do not need in zombie/horror narratives anymore. These are twists or plot moves that we have seen, digested, and we’re ready to move on.
1. The Badass Is Actually A Huge Wuss
In this book, it’s the 90’s action movie star who turns out to be mostly unwilling to fight zombies. What a twist. As an alternative, what about the action hero who’s out of his goddamn mind and is thrilled to finally be living the dream? Or the action hero who is an old man with a gut and wants to kick ass? How about any alternative to this?
2. Girls Are Better At Fighting Than Boys
It’s not that this can’t happen in the book, but let’s calm down with the patting ourselves on the back WITHIN THE NARRATIVE. “Look, I wrote a comic where a girl is good at using knives, and boys are not good at that! #YesAllWomen” Gimme a break. Just write the characters who kick ass, and let Jezebel or some shit talk about how you did a good job. Let’s stop taking story breaks to highlight how progressive we are.
3. The Real Threat Is…US!
No, goddamn it. The real threat is fucking zombies. Duh. Okay? Duh. Enough of the stories where it’s the darkness within us all that ruins everything. How ’bout a story where people are kinda normal and fight zombies? Again, I don’t think this is totally inaccurate, but it’s a story that’s been done A LOT and one we don’t need to tell over and over.
4. A Haircut And A Body Style = A Character
These characters are virtually indistinguishable in terms of their likes and dislikes, their personalities, all that shit. Fat Guy, Average Guy, Smart Slim Guy, Hot Girl, Younger Also Hot Girl.
5. We Found The Cure!
Many a zombie tale ends with the highly-unlikely stumbling upon a cure for the outbreak. And rarely are these cures interesting. It’s not like, I don’t know, eating part of Michael Jackson’s corpse somehow cures things. It’s not like licking a cat’s butthole cures zombie and there’s one weird pervert who is immune, and that’s the only explanation and the government is trying to get him to explain, but he’s reluctant. It’s some weird chemical thing that just doesn’t matter, and they might as well say, “Eh, fuck it.” We don’t need the cure in every zombie story. And if there is a cure, we don’t need our unlikely heroes to stumble upon it.