Cologne by Allie Brosh
My rating: 2 of 5 stars
Pet peeve: ” It smells like desperation…” No. Desperation isn’t a smell. It’s the name of my new fragrance, for sure, but not descriptive of a smell. I know this is wordplay, and that’s why I’m saying this is a pet peeve as opposed to something that’s horribly wrong with the world. I’m probably wrong, and I just don’t like this thing, where someone says something smells like an emotion or, you know, “I ate one of those protein pack lunches from Starbucks. It tasted like commerce and defeat.” No, it tasted like an egg that was hard boiled 800 years ago and cooled off in front of a swamp cooler.
Also, this story featured a portable CD player with speakers and stuff? That has batteries in it? Is Allie Brosh an 80’s punk with a boombox, walking down the street, trailing a dude holding a huge piece of cardboard for breakin’? Or is she the classier version, trailing a dude holding a huge piece of vinyl flooring?
Who is Allie Brosh, really. That’s the haunting question this story will leave you with.