-Because voting is for suckers who love waiting in confusing lines that snake around crappy card tables and are staffed by children and the elderly who have been tricked into volunteering for something more worthless than a 5K that involves wearing oversized pink tshirts to raise “awareness” of crap we’re already well aware of.
-Because if I can’t vote from my computer in 2012, yet I, ME, has a fucking website, the entire government is fucked.
-Because you don’t really have any money so I don’t know why you’re all that concerned about it.
-Because you do have money so I don’t know why you’re all that concerned about it.
-Because right before you posted your eloquent thing about whatever, you posted a picture of a plate of fries.
-Because if I want to hear the same old same I can just turn on any television, radio, computer, or magazine (have we adopted the term “turning on” for “opening” in that case yet?) and be SO AMAZED that these two men have some negative things to say about each other.
-Because none of you have the guts to say something actually crazy or interesting. Thinly-veiled threats? Racist terminology? Bizarre and completely untrue anecdotes about one candidate or another hitting your aunt with a golf club? No. Just stuff about deficit. Electrifying.
-Because you all care so deeply. Just like you all are still talking about: Support the Troops, Hurricane Katrina, Tsunami victims, BP, Kony, Occupy Wall Street, and all that other stuff that’s so internet important. Listen, I got on this internet in order to see nude people and to post bizarre nonsense on a web site. And I stick to my convictions. It’s not Kony today, Sudan tomorrow. It’s nudes and nonsense. Nude and Nonsense in 2012!