-Long, pointy suckers that somehow sharpen as you eat them and are lengthy enough to stab through your entire brain should not be a first pick for candy kids eat at the goddamn pool.
-It turns out that most children aren’t interested in suffering through ¾ of a candy that is the color of a dehydrated man’s pee and tastes like hardened hot glue in order to get to 1 millimeter of decent red candy.
-Someone at the candy company decided that making a candy so sticky it pulled out baby teeth years prematurely was not a public service.
-Watching a child’s drool run down a slick candy surface for hours until it created stalactites is about as appealing as…well, children in general.
-They found another use for all the leftover shrink wrap which was impossible to open with the rising popularity of compact disks.