192. Do You Ever Think About Changing Yourself to Please a Man?
Well, who hasn’t? I don’t think I’d have to do all that much differently to please a man. Perhaps dress a little better. And, you know, the sex stuff. But maybe if the dude was fairly small and sat in my lap, jerking him off would be pretty much the same as jerking myself. I mean, not in the eyes of god or the law, but just the tactile sensation. That would be something.
182. Do You Ever Lie About Your Love Life?
No. See what I did there?
623. Would You Be Willing to Marry a Woman Who Could Not Have Children?
I’d be willing to marry a woman who could not have children WITHIN 50 FEET. That would be great. I’m not exactly respectful of children. To put it all in perspective, I once suggested to a friend that if she was seated next to a baby on a plane, she should approach a flight attendant in tears and say that she’d recently had a miscarriage and it was just too hard to take to be near a baby right now. I still think that would work.
97. Do You Ever Think About Adopting a Puppy From an Animal Shelter?
As a replacement for a woman, or just in general? I guess the answer to both is No, so it doesn’t really matter. Sure, we’ve all thought about it. But then you remember that lawsuit that was thankfully dropped when you tried to plug a dog with the little rubber thing from a bottom of a cane and just let it fill with shit until it died, at which point you got a new dog.
312. Do You Ever Think About the Prayers Your Significant Lover Prays About You?
Dear god, please let Pete get rich enough that I can ignore his many, many flaws until we’re deep enough in a relationship that we can sort of coast to a stop while still living in the same home where people don’t really know how bad things are except when friends come over and he forgets to clear the sheets and the alarm clock off of the couch, where he prefers to sleep nightly and frankly so do I.