That smug son of a bitch.
You know, when I was a kid, I think I just thought that was the Quaker guy like Aunt Jemima was the syrup lady. It never occurred to me that she was really an aunt, or possibly that she was called one based on her position as a house slave.
But the Quaker guy, I just thought he was a guy. Never in my wildest nightmares did I think he was a representative of organized religion.
And now that I think about it, the whole thing is pretty insane. You would never make Christian Noodles or Mormon Pickles as a brand name. That would be like making a line of bagels called Jewish Bagels.
My real question is whether the quakers, the ones in the religion, have anything whatsoever to do with the oatmeal at this point, or is it all just branding? Because if the quakers are involved, I’ll have to take my oatmeal business ($5.99/year) elsewhere. If they aren’t, then maybe they should consider doing some rebranding.
I will say this, however: I respect any product that didn’t go through a phase in the 90’s where their spokescharacter was surfing and snowboarding and rappelling off shit for no reason other than to deliver you a bowl of cereal. C’mon, Tony the Tiger. I will happily eat some Frosted Flakes with you later, but standing here on a surfboard and trying to eat a bowl of Frosted Flakes is a terrible idea, and I really don’t see what the two have to do with each other.
And thank (the quaker) god (whatever that looks like) that Quaker man didn’t go through that shit. Nothing was sadder than seeing the Cinnamon Toast Crunch guy with Ray-Bans on. He was doing fine, and he could just…bake(?) his cereal all day. No need to try and get the kids on your side. Your cereal is one of the few that can’t be eaten by hand because it’s so covered in sugar dust that your fingernails start peeling away from the flesh holding them down. We’ll find it, believe me.