Let me just say up front that I have no personal problem with dicks. I acknowledge their right to exist and though I am not a personal fan of them and their heft and veins, and though I am immune to their charms, I understand they hold appeal for others. Sort of like Taylor Swift or Carrie Underwood or that one lady with the weird face who also had a very made-up sounding name: Maybe they are okay, they’re just not for me. Not my cup of (ball sweat-smelling) tea.
At any rate, there is a serious problem with internet porn that needs to be discussed.
A little background: Porn has evolved online. First, it was stills. I can remember wistfully waiting for a picture to load, top-down, one-millimeter at a time from top to bottom on my computer screen at home. From the top of the scalp to something interesting took about 3 minutes, but it was still amazing in a way. After that it was all about short video clips. These were 5-30 second clips of porn. The idea was to entice you to pay for sites, sort of like the trailers on movies. Except imagine that the trailers on movies show the best part and everyone’s fucking naked. You really never needed to see the movie. Although if someone is interested in purchasing memberships for me for my next birthday, I would happily receive that gift and immediately kick everyone out of my apartment so the real party could begin.
Now the big thing is streaming video. Like Youtube. Except naked and sexing. So you’ll be looking at a screen, like youtube, of streaming video of a girl and a guy or a couple guys and maybe a girl in heels or maybe there’s a dildo in there somewhere- you get the idea. And then, off to the side are ads. I understand that these ads are necessary to make revenue. But allow me to illustrate the specific problem:
Now, like I said, I have nothing against penises, but really having a throbbing, engorged cock that is bright red and with veins that look like they are bursting through the skin is kind of difficult to ignore. It’s not so much a sexual thing. Imagine the porn is playing in the window and the ad was just a picture of a dead relative. That would make things strange. Unnecessarily so.
When I log into Facebook, they somehow figured out how to advertise to whoever is logged in. When the ads on the side say, “Get paid money to play videogames and jerk off” I can be relatively sure that my grandma isn’t seeing these same ads when she’s logged in. So why can’t these sites figure it out? That’s all I’m asking for.
Oh, and one more thing. Enough with the Fleshlight ads. For those of you who aren’t aware, a Fleshlight is a long tube that is meant for sticking your dick in, and supposedly it simulates the feeling of a vagina. THAT I have NO problem with. BUT, the ad I’m talking about shows a naked dude, a naked hot babe, and the hot babe is holding the FLeshlight just to the side of her naked vagina while the dude bangs the Fleshlight. Now, maybe this is an ad meant to appeal to ladies out there, one that’s saying, “Your dude is so fucking wasted he’s not even going to notice, so why waste the lube?” But if not, the idea is asinine. Why in the name of god would I bang a Fleshlight being held by a nude woman? I’d rather have someone watch me fuck the couch cushions.
Oh, by the way, the picture was meant for a different post. Oh well.
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