A news story about a coffee shop which makes a 10-shot espresso drink hit the interwebs today. Mostly confusing because the title was “Porn in a Cup,” the whole thing seems like a marketing scheme to me. But could it live up to its name?
Reasons “Yes”:
-I find both 10 shots of espresso and pornography a little overwhelming, just in their existences.
-Both espresso and porn have kept me up far later than any other two things.
-I like my porn like I like my espresso: ten of it.
-Both the coffee industry and the porn industry have no concept of the place where they should take a minute and reassess whether they are still on track here.
-In both cases you can select a “race” or region or origin.
-Gay men make up a large portion of the coffee shop’s clientele, according to the owner. I think we can all see the connection on this one.
Reasons “No”:
-Coffee never made me cum. EVER.
-Having too much energy and watching people bang are not really the same thing to me.
-I’ve had some fine good food and drink, though not of it is pornographic. Okay, maple bacon donut from Voodoo Donuts is pretty close. But again, not one pearl of pre cum.
-This goddamn drink has to cost like $12 bucks. Anyone who’s paying twelve bucks for porn today is a sucker.
-I’ve never received actual porn in a cup, nor do I really understand how that would work.
-Generally, any guzzling going on in my porn is not done by me. That’s less porn, more in the “home invasion” category of videos.
This whole thing is just stupid. Although from now on I’ll just call my herpes Sores on a Stick.