“Primal”

“This starts off promising when Cage captures a wild cat hologram thing, and I can only assume from its appearance that this movie takes place in a Blade Runner future where animals are mostly extinct, so instead people capture hologram versions of them so that we can preserve the valuable black market for animals as a way of life.

Then Cage is a total jerk, also fun. I was wondering how they’d make him a redemptive hero seeing as he mostly captures wild animals and sells them off, but they just don’t bother, and I’m in favor.

However, then things just kind of settle into Die Hard on a boat. Which we already have. It’s called Under Siege. And Speed 2: Cruise Control. And Going Overboard with Adam Sandler (face it, you’ve never seen that, and you can’t be certain it’s not an action movie).

Could’ve used more animal carnage.

The saddest caged animal is Famke Janssen. How they captured her into this movie is anyone’s guess.

In the arms of an angel…”