Do the coffee shops you all attend have pipe guys? By which I mean guys who smoke pipes as opposed to guys working on pipes? I mean, if you have a coffee shop where the plumbing is in a constant state of flux, I’d recommend trying a different place. There are a lot to choose from.
No, I’m talking about guys who insist on smoking the most asinine form of tobacco, pipe tobacco.
Before you think it, yes, it smells nice. But you know what? They’re fucking outside. They’re just as much outside as the guy smoking the chocolate-flavored tiparillo, so the scent is irrelevant.
Now, I understand that people need hobbies. I have hobbies. God knows I have hobbies. But you don’t see me sitting on the coffee shop patio surrounded by bizarre wooden boxes and implements and things. That’s part of the problem with pipes, too. There are about 80 pieces of equipment you need, and then for each of those pieces of equipment you need a case. So you have a gross of items splayed out on the table to accomplish something that can be accomplished with ONE item: cigarette.
We can go back and forth about whether smoking is cool. Or we can all just acknowledge that it’s cool. Let’s face it. Would people die to look cool? Hell yes they would. I would put myself in a cage with a diseased, furious rhino in order to look about 5% cooler. So smoking? No problem.
Pipes, though. Not cool.
Let’s discuss people who can smoke pipes for a second, people who get a pass.
-People in Tolkien fiction.
Okay, end of list.
The rest of you, knock it off with the stupid pipes. Or at least prep your pipe before you show up and clean it at home. I just…I just can’t imagine you in Hobby Lobby, asking where the pipe cleaners are and making sure that the checker girl knows that you’re not buying these for crafts but for their original purpose. And hint: Yes, we all kind of guessed that the original purpose of pipe cleaners was pipe cleaning. So don’t start off with a “Didja Know” unless you want to make someone feel like you’re trying to make someone feel like an asshole.