Instead of:
“No fucking way, I am not going to the art museum.”
Say:
“I want to be adult about this, so I’ll give you a choice. I can either resist going initially or be a prick the entire time we’re there. Your call.”
Instead of:
“Fifteen dollars!? I could have seen BOTH GI Joe movies for that much!”
Say:
“Oh blast, I left my wallet in the car. As in MY car, which is at home because I made you drive us here.”
Instead of:
“This is a fucking red square on a square of canvas in a square of wood.”
Say:
“That’s the color I wanted for the shower curtain.”
Instead of:
“That is some thing?”
Say:
“That is something.”
Instead of:
“Where do they sell snacks?”
Say:
“All these paintings of fruits in bowls has made me hungry for a food they don’t have here at this temple of wonderful art. What say we get the hell out of here?”
Instead of:
“I don’t get it”
Say:
“I really like to absorb everything and then think about it on the way home. Can we stop for Wendy’s on the way home. It helps me think about the art.”
Instead of:
“A handstamp for reentry? Having a handstamp for reentry to this hellhole is like having one of those concentration camp reentry tattoos.”
Say:
“Oh, totally. We totally might come back to here.”