I’m sick. AF.
It’s not my first time. I tend to get a “death cold,” as it’s been dubbed by a friend, a couple times every year.
Which means I have tips for you.
Shot Glasses
Drink your Nyquil from a shot glass. This is not only a better (more) amount of Nyquil than that cup, but it makes the whole thing a party. And we all know a party isn’t a party without Pete shivering in a blanket on the couch, wishing he was dead. Plus, Nyquil cups are plastic, and plastic is for losers. You know, I should really open an Etsy shop with like custom glass Nyquil glasses. Is that enabling people? Is that bad? I mean, people make shot glasses for booze, and booze doesn’t even have expectorant. Whatever the fuck that is.
Googling Your Symptoms
Most people will say not to do this. I say go for it! For one thing, any site that has crazy-ass ads on the side is not to be trusted. So, you can pretty much assume all the things they say you have are wrong.
For two thing, Google will tell you that you’re going to die. This is a comfort when you’re sick. If you disagree with that, you’ve never been sick.
Soup
Any food is a soup if you blend it long enough. Nothing makes me nostalgic for caring for myself while ill like the smell of a blender motor struggling to turn several chicken thighs into a slurry that I can choke down with an act that seems like drinking more than chewing, but still not quite drinking.
Watching TV
TV definitely helps you feel not sick. Especially if the TV is not great, but not bad. TV is probably the best proof of relativity ever. The relative time it takes to watch your least-viewed season of Start Trek TNG is so much less than spending the same amount of time doing something.
Graffiti
This is a great time to go do some graffiti. You have the perfect alibi. I’d suggest not looking at the word “graffiti” and trying to write it in giant letters on a wall. People will find your spelling of it very ironic. Bonus, put a dictionary on your toilet tank with a bookmark in the late G’s. That way, double alibi, you were sick AND you obviously know how to spell good if you’re reading the dictionary. Even if you’re reading it on the crapper.