As many of you know, I’m against the holiday of Movember. Because I think it’s just a silly excuse to grow silly facial hair.
I have an abiding disrespect for people who spend a lot of time on their facial hair. Or at least, I want to inspect their homes and lives. I assume that, if you’re trimming that beard daily, your car is spotless inside. Oh, and you’ve mastered cooking. And you’re in the best shape of your life. And you attend weekly therapy.
Okay, but I do think it’s really important to be aware of men’s health issues. Especially after the last year when I had an infection on my balls.
To that end, I’ve decided to celebrate Movember by growing my penis. What would make people more aware of men’s health issues than a grotesque, huge schwang that cannot be contained? What’s more In Your Face than a penis that doesn’t even work in any function? Pee? Forget it. There’s like a mile of hose. Sex? HA! There’s not enough blood in my entire body to bonertize that bad boy.
The plan is simple and three-fold.
Step 1: Pills
There are a lot of pills and a lot of scammers out there. But there’s an off chance that one of them works. So, why not take ALL of them?
Step 2: Space
They say you get about an inch taller by going to space. Is this true for penis height as well? We will see.
Step 3: Lightly Slamming It In A Drawer Repeatedly
It’ll be swollen, right? Does that work with a peen?