Damn it!
I thought I might try my way through some of these books to see if I’ve gotten any smarter since childhood. I was an idiot then. I thought that playing Tetris on a bigscreen TV would allow me to get a much higher score, for example. I also made a homemade rocket that succeeded in ejecting its own engine and firing it across the neighborhood where it barreled into a neighbor’s garage door with a resounding smack.
At this time, in addition to being bad at life decisions, I was also bad at life OR DEATH decisions, as demonstrated in Choose Your Own Adventure books.
The difference, as an adult, is that I went at it like a test-taker. You know how in health class, they had questions where it was clear what they wanted you to mark as an answer? Stuff like:
There are risks when you have unprotected sex:
A: Sometimes, as long as I’m in a stupid imagination land.
B: Rarely because I am a complete idiot managing a small shop in the land of Hyrule.
C: ALWAYSALWAYSALWAYSALWAYS!!!!!
Do you think they have herpes in Hyrule?
Anyway, you start to not answer with your honest feelings, but to think about the person who created the test and what they’re trying to get you to do.
So in The Abominable Snowman, when you start off looking for your buddy, they tell you that you can look below base camp, where the AbS usually hangs out, or climb up.
Now, the original me would have said, “They usually show up below camp. And it doesn’t really make sense to waste energy climbing up when we could walk down. Screw it, let’s coast.” But of course, as an adult I felt the strong hand of fate telling me to go the extra mile straight up the side of a damn mountain.
After that, things went downhill. I did manage to engage the services of an Asian slave through a bizarre incense-guessing ritual. I think that was supposed to be a good thing. But then, in camp, a AbS showed up and though I managed to snap several pictures and use the flash to scare him off, the shutter(?)didn’t close and the pictures were ruined.
I’m no expert on digital photography, but it’s my understanding that digital cameras may or may not have a shutter. However, it’s not like film with the exposures and whatnot. This is truly a cruel twist of fate is what I’m getting at.
So, on the plus, I didn’t die. A yeti didn’t drink my spinal fluid at any point, so that’s sort of a win. On the minus, I clearly didn’t accomplish any of my AbS goals. So overall, I’m going to have to chalk this one up as a loss, though not in the death column.
There is some argument out there on how these are to be read. That maybe I should go back and try again. HOWEVER, I would argue against that. If they meant for you to go back, they would put the number of the previous decision on the pages with shitty endings instead of forcing you to wedge your thumb in there and read it cockeyed, almost as if not looking straight at it meant that it didn’t really happen.
I would like it if they added something like [Bad Ending] at the end if you screw up, [Good Ending!] if you got one of the good ones. At least that way I’d be clear. Although maybe this was just one of the unfortunate mediocre endings.
One book out, Choose Your Own Adventure has turned out to be fairly true in that Pete ends up making a series of decisions that result in a truly flavorless life.