Perfectly Round Boulders

My job? Oh, well I take boulders and chip away at them until they’re perfectly round. Lots of people think you can just find a perfectly round boulder to set up a trap inside a temple, but I’m always like, “How many perfectly round boulders have you seen rolling around out in the world, huh smart guy?”

So I spend my days chipping away at these fucking HUUUGE rocks to make a big round boulder that can go down a chute and crush some dude. Probably not today, probably not tomorrow, but someday, sometime, a guy is probably going to come into our temple and try to yoink our precious treasures. We’ll be long dead and the treasures meaningless, especially in light of my personal beliefs about the after life. But still. It’s a job, and I feel like I’m contributing stuff to society.

Sometimes people ask what if the person who comes to our temple is like a good dude? Like maybe he just wants to learn about our culture and how we lived, which seems like an okay thing to do.

But they don’t pay me to futurecast. Nor did they pay me to invent the term futurecasting. They pay me to make rocks into round rocks. And that’s what I do. Also, I do handjobs on the side.