With the summer olympics looming, I got to thinking.
I bet every olympic athlete is waiting, just DYING waiting for the day that his or her special talent is needed to do something that’s actually important.
For example:
Badminton:
Alright, man, I know this seems like a friendly game of backyard badminton. But the truth? See that group of hot babes over there? They said that they want to get with whichever team wins this shit! So we have to win. Do you think we’ve got a shot?
Trampoline
We figured out a way to get a secret message to the POW camp. If someone can get on this trampoline and give them one sign language letter on every bounce, we might be able to save them. But where are we going to find someone who can sustain such high bounces for several minutes at a time?
Synchronized Swimming
It’s a shark frenzy! The only way to stop them is to get a bunch of people swimming the same ways at the same time. It confuses and disturbs them!
Beach Volleyball
Oh yeah right. Like we’re ever going to find someone who thinks it’s REMOTELY appropriate to walk around in public wearing only THAT. It’s over. Our bikini bottom company is finished. Unless…