I’m a little confused about the Olympics. Actually, I’m a lot confused about the Olympics, but I’m breaking it up into smaller chunks to better process everything. Today specifically, I’m confused about why Olympics need to be sponsored. And how the sponsors are picked.
Let’s start with Coca-Cola.
There was a great commercial where a couple athletes were sitting around a table in their ridiculous America tracksuits, telling war stories about the Olympics. And sitting on the table in front of each of them was a Coke. I guess it’s more appropriate than a tumbler of whiskey, especially considering that one of them was a gymnast who is probably 12 (although also eastern European, so WELL ABOVE the drinking age at home). But if there’s ever been a time where a tumbler of whiskey was appropriate, it would be when discussing how you didn’t make Beijing. How is a hit off a Coke can going to help? And if I’m an Olympic-level athlete, get me a goddamn glass. Unless I’m a fencer. Even I would know THAT’S bullshit.
Let’s move on to McDonald’s. Everyone seems to think it’s hilarious because athletes probably aren’t eating a lot of McDonald’s. Perhaps, and I don’t want to alarm anyone, but perhaps they are eating NO McDonald’s. But to be honest, I don’t give two damns about what they are eating. I hate that stuff. They always do an article where they say, Here’s what Michael Phelps eats. Can you believe it? Well, yeah, I can. Because for one thing he’s in the Olympics and I’m not, so I would expect that he’s doing a number of things differently. Does he sleep in some sort of chamber? Does he eat fruits and vegetables? Ones that grow on plants instead of off the bottom of a pig somehow? Wow, mind-blowing. Besides, do you really think most people are actually using the shit that they get paid to talk about? Does Michael Phelps seem like he learned a whole lot of Chinese thanks to Rosetta Stone? Does the race car driver who drives that Viagra car pop those pills as he drives?
Atos. Atos? I don’t even know what that is. After some research, it’s either a gigantic IT company or the American Theatre Organ Society. It makes me a little sad how often things like this come up where there are two options, and in my heart I know that the less fun one is probably true.
Dow, makers of Acrylic Monomers and Rheology Modifiers. And let us not forget Opacifiers and Alkyl Alkanolamines. When I think of sports, I think Alkanolamines.
Visa is a good one too. Are people really into Visa? I guess some people out there might be. Personally, I just let the bank decide which little sticker they want to put on my card to indicate which company will be financially victimizing me for the time being.