Just like every year, some new words were added to the dictionary. And just like every year, people make a big old deal about it. Too big if you ask me. Well, maybe not. Okay, I just feel like they should either have a huge party, inflatable gorillas, inflatable bounce castles, inflatable slides, basically anything that can have a pump hooked up to it and provide gigantism while being placed next to a grill is what we’re talking about here.
Instead, I feel like they just let us know which words have been deigned real, and then people comment on what a sad society we live in. But because I’m so informed, and because why not, here are 15 of the new words for 2012 and my somewhat definitions of each.
aha moment- This is the moment a breakthrough is made. Usually something that, once discovered, makes sense all along or makes everything from the past line up. For example, when Pete discovered that the vaginal opening is NOT, in fact, on the front of the body, but more sort of underneath. It really all came together, eliciting an “ah-ha!” that was somewhat alarming to the person in bed with him at the time.
bucket list- This is a list of shit you want to do before you die. Which I’ve decided is a bad idea because you either complete the list, meaning that you kind of run out of junk to fill the days for the remainder of your life, or you don’t finish it and have some nicely solidified regrets to take to the grave. Also, I feel like an inordinate number of these lists involve skydiving, but I’m not really sure why.
cloud computing- This is a form of computing and data storage that is really exciting for people who don’t really know what the internet is. But once you put a name to it and make a cool logo of a cloud with a smiley face, we all get to participate in the bigger world.
copernicium- This is either highly scientific, disgustingly sexual, or possibly both.
earworm- I’d like to make this an actual creature in a horror film. Think Slither but with more scary ear stuff. I don’t know what exactly earworms look like, but I guarantee you their mouths have teeth all the way around.
energy drink- Which isn’t so much a new word as a replacement for a bunch of older terms such as “energy tonic” and “vitality elixir” and “vim and vigor draught”.
f-bomb: If you look it up, it actually explains that it’s a euphemism for the word “fuck.” Anything that gets more swears in the dictionary is okay in my books.
game changer: Eew. I hate that word. That’s the kind of thing slimy business weasels say when they’re weaseling their way into some other slimy company. These are the sort of people who were once rollerblading ferociously for cardiovascular fitness.
gassed: This one confuses me. Because in a person it means you are totally out of energy. But in a car it’s like you’re ready to go. Although maybe it makes sense. I guess if I drank a bunch of gasoline I wouldn’t be ready to perform any sort of anything..
gastropub: This is a bar that allegedly has decent food. Here’s a tip, fellas: Just because your pretzels are not on a slowly rotating rack and suspended in the air doesn’t make you Gordon Ramsay.
man cave: This is the usually dingy part of the house where a man escapes his daily life. Or a bar that caters to a certain type of men who are also looking to escape certain aspects of daily life.
mash-up: A musical thing that worked MAYBE one time where two songs are smashed together, usually to the detriment of both songs.
sexting: The alleged sending of sexy texts and pictures between phones. I say alleged because I have never been victimized by sexting of any sort. The closest I’ve ever been is getting the occasional late night text from my sister. Who is very nice, but it’s just not the same thing.
systemic risk: I don’t know, man. Sounds like more business nonsense. I feel like business guys are just making shit up all the time because it takes about two hours a day to terribly run a business, so they really aren’t all that busy. I’m sure it’s hard to run an innovative, successful business. But the CEO of Arby’s ain’t doing shit all day.
underwater: Apparently 2012 presented humanity’s first foray to the part of the water that’s under the top of the water. Go team.