The problem when your balls really hurt, you have to tell your boss you’re going to the doctor tomorrow, but you don’t want to tell her it’s because your balls hurt at a level that makes you think a professional needs to step in. Because it feels like someone is stepping on your balls.
The problem when your balls really hurt, you kind of limp and someone asks what’s wrong, and you can’t just tell them that your balls, the ground zero of cum, you can’t say that your cum factory hurts.
Actually, that makes no sense. Ground zero would be where the cum lands. This is more like the factor where Rosie the Riveter was putting the cum together. That’s the place that hurts. It sort of feels like Rosie is the Riveter-ing my balls from the inside right now.
The problem when your balls really hurt, you’re just kind of grumpy. It can’t be avoided. There’s nothing to be happy about when your balls hurt. I have a daily, 5-year journal, and today it’ll say “My balls really hurt today.”
The problem when your balls really hurt, you have to call the doctor’s office to make an appointment. And then the lady at the doctor’s office says they don’t have anyone with your name and birthday. And you have to figure out a nice way to ask her to check again, and you have to remind yourself that you’re only 10% mad because she’s not doing her stuff right, 90% because your balls hurt, which isn’t her fault. Then she finds you and says they have you down as a different birthday. Same day and year, same name, but a different month. Then she asks are you sure that your birthday is the day you said. Your balls really hurt, and you’re about to have to explain that to this person, and already she’s got questions about whether or not you know your birthday.
The problem when your balls really hurt, you have to not call them balls when you call the doctor’s office. You have to call them testicles. Even though you never use that word, and even though you feel like the lady on the phone, you feel like she knows you never use that word. She knows you say balls when you’re talking about balls.
The problem when your balls really hurt, you tell the lady about it, and she says, You think you have a hernia and you need to see the doctor. She doesn’t ask that. The problem, when your balls really hurt, the problem is you didn’t say that. Because you’re not a doctor. I don’t know what a hernia feels like. All I know is my balls hurt and I feel like a doctor should touch my balls and then tell me where to go from here.
The problem when your balls hurt, you worry that it’s something worse. Some hilarious balls death that’s stalking you now.