My Audition to be Andy Rooney

Have you gone into the bank to ask for new checks and they ask you which number you’d like to start at?  I don’t understand that at all.

The bank woman said it was because a business might not trust you if it was your first check.  That seems like the idiotic backwards logic of someone who has never used a check before.

First of all, who ever looks at a check number?  I would take a check without even looking. The number could just be three swastikas in a row and I wouldn’t even notice until it was way too late.

Second, what the fuck is IHOP going to do about it if they don’t want to take my #1 check?  Check number one is what I got, motherfuckers, so you can either take it or let me walk out with my free Rootie Tootie Fresh N’ Fruity.

And who the fuck is even taking a check anymore anyway?  I spent about 6 months using a debit card that was nearly cracked in half, hanging by a thread, and somehow that earned me way less scrutiny than using a check to buy lettuce, chicken, and Milano cookies.  Listen, assholes, nobody is buying Milano cookies on a stolen card.