If you like to laugh at some pretty bad horror movies but you just can’t stand stuff that’s poorly shot or that has terrible audio, this is your huckleberry.
The story is super dumb, and it’s convoluted, but you DO know what’s happening during each scene. It’s not hard to follow because the story is complex or anything. It’s just challenging because it’s fairly baffling, both the choices made by characters and by the filmmakers.
Wish Upon stars Fake Alexis Bledel (Gilmore Girls) and Fake Ryan Phillippe (who turned out to be REAL Ryan Phillippe. Who knew!?). Fake Bledel gets a gizmo that gives her the ability to make wishes and prove that she is the most self-centered person on Earth. Which is laid out by Barb from Stranger Things, reprising her role, sans glasses, plus military jacket.
Okay, I’m polling the crew. If we call her “Rory” is that going to far? Can we get away with it?
Also, of course, the wish-granting device takes a terrible toll. If you consider the death of people you only kind of know or maybe only met once (seriously, like the sister of a guy you sit in front of in class) to be a terrible toll.
What is it with these wish granting devices? Can there be one wish thingy that doesn’t cause the wish maker to kill people or go insane or die themselves or get something they hadn’t bargained for? How about a movie called Exact Wishes where the wish device totally works, and is not out to screw with people? We’d all be waiting for the other shoe to drop, and then the protagonist, 40 minutes in, would clap his hands, say, “Well, sure am glad I found THAT thing!” and then he dives into a swimming pool full of paper money. THE END.
As for Wish Upon, watch as far in as the “smegma” scene. If that tickles you as being totally ridiculous, then hang on, because you will shortly be rewarded with a teenage daughter and her friends really fawning over Ryan Phillippe playing sensual jazz saxaphone. You’ll see a woman call won tons something they’ve NEVER been called, ever.
If the smegma scene doesn’t strike you as funny and leaves you feeling nothing, then turn it off, go to something else. Because by that point you’ve seen the baffling opening where a girl rides her bike 5 feet to fondle baby birds, and you’ve seen her crash her bike at her uncle’s house (who looks to be a cheap Angus Scrimm), and you’ve gotten to know that we won’t really get to know what the hell is going on with that sub plot.
It’s dumb, it’s badly scripted, but if you like some of that stuff mixed with some reasonably competent filmmaking and budget, you’ll like this one.